5 posts tagged “mom”

the second coming - maybe

Jun 26, 2007
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so, it's offical. we are trying for another baby. i've been having these "tentative" doctor appointments lately. because i'm over that magical medical age of 35, there are a few more - not guidelines, not restrictions, i'm not sure what the word is. but what it means for me is basically, i have lose and maintain the loss of at least one pound.

after that magical medical age of 35, in order for the clinic to maintain it's success and it's numbers, women undergoing fertility treatments need to mean a certian weight requirement. when we started meeting with our doctor to discuss IVF again, my weight was an issue. seriously, i was one pound over. they said absolutely not, you can't start, we can't treat you - lose the weight and we'll talk. they gave me two weeks to lose a pound. i lost four, but it was genuinely stressful because you can't just lose and keep off one pound. most humans lose and gain at least a pound through the course of a day. so you have to lose like three or four pounds and keep it off, to lose that one pound. seems pretty fucking ridiculous to me.

so the first weigh-in, i don't make it and they tell me to come back in two weeks. i come back in two weeks, and i was ounces shy. they started me anyway, but i got a call from my doctor basically telling me that instead of trying to get and keep off this one pound, why don't i take three months and lose 20 pounds. actually, she says, i'd like to see you under xxx lbs (which would be a loss of about 50 pounds for me). fifty pounds in three months is probably doable, but i'm not waiting that long.

thankfully, i've been on the pill for a few months, so i didn't need to start that. all i needed to do was take an extra week and start one of the drugs ( a SubQ shot in the AM). they didn't want me to start on the drug until i was under the "goal" weight. since i was ounces away, the let me start, but i had to come in and get weighed again. that's when i lost the four pounds and got the green light.

BUT - i have to keep it off. so on day 10 of this med (today), i had to go in again and get weighed and make sure that i'm keeping it off, before i start the actual stimulation meds on friday. and i did it.

when i went in for the sinus infection last friday, i had gained weight (according to their scale). then i spent the weekend eating burgers and chips and drinking wine poolside. sunday night i made a poundcake dessert with marscapone cheese. not exactly atkins here. wine counts as a fruit though right? because i'm definately having my three to five servings a day.

what all this means is that in 15-20 days, we'll be doing the retrieval and transfer. but between now and then, i have to do three shots a day, take oral medication, have blood tests done, have ultrasounds, etc. and i'm not even questioning if i can do it, or if i should do it. i have done it. it worked. i have no doubt on whether or not i should. i guess what's missing in all of this is sharing it with my mom. that's what chokes me up. well, that and continuing to lose weight - which in it's own way is harder that giving birth. i mean, giving birth is going to happen - losing weight, that's a choice.

hubbin was with me today at the appointment, we knew that if i didn't make the weigh-in today, that things absolutely would not happen this time (this month). and i continued to weep tears of gratitude, he held me close and told me he was proud of me. the first person who i wanted to call when i got in the car was my mom.

and guess what, i left that appointment to pick up my dad and annie oakley to drive them to the airport. they are going to phoenix to see the PBR this weekend. and dad knew what was going on, and he really want me to continue to "get healthier" as he puts it. but annie oakley broke me heart - she was so interested in what the process was, and how proud she was that i could do these shots, and how great boo is, and she almost choked up at the thought of a surrogate grand-baby.

it kills me, it absolutely kills me that she will probably be at the hospital with my dad at the birth of my next child. it should be my mom. by all rights and purposes, my mom should still be here. and i told her that as my heart broke, and i sobbed so hard my throat hurt on the home from droping them off at the airport.

NFF

Jan 21, 2007
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psycho jen wants a new nickname. which still totally proves she's psycho. but she wants to be known as the "no fun friend". she feels she's a total downer because she's going through infertility and her mother-in-law had her hip replaced and isn't recovering well.

now, jen hasn't done shit for her mother-in-law. her hubba does it all, jen just complains about it and tells us all what a HUGE inconvience it is for her hubba to have to "stroke" (her words, not mine) his mom. she resented his father killing himself, because she had to use her vacation days to go clean bits of his brain out of the closet where he shot himself.

she resents the hell our of her mother-in-law because her hubba is an only child and there is no one else there to help him. like his wife???!!!! she won't lift a finger to help him with her, and that bugs the shit out me.

now back to the infertility stuff. when my hubbin and i went through it, we did our research and talked a lot and it's a big step. i mean, it was for us becuase we were never given a reason why we couldn't get pregnant in the first place. and after three years, we needed some help

and whenever we did any insemination or were counting days or whatever, i did my best to keep myself healthy and give myself every possible chance. and when we had dinner with them last night psycho jen had four beers.

and i'm not talking four 8 oz. glasses of bud light. she had four PINTS of newcastle, and then wanted a shoulder to cry because they had to wait another whole week before she found out if she was pregnant.

i can't get on board with that kind of behavior and it's been pissing my off all day. i can't post about it on mydarlingcurse.com because she reads it. it's so hard to sympathize with someone when they aren't doing shit about ANYTHING in their life except complaining about it and EXPECTING sympathy.

there is only sympathy for the truly tragic. and i'm not trying to play favorites here, but who should be the no fun friend - the one who lost her mom a few months ago and is going to lose her brother a few months from now, or the complaining drunk twat who isn't getting her way?

NaNoWriMo: Day 6

Nov 6, 2006
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got a lot done at my mom's yesterday. not as caught up as i'd like to be though. hopefully, i'll crank out some more after boo goes to bed. and she's at daycare tomorrow, so i'll hopefully get more done during the day. i explained some of the story to my mom yesterday and she thought it sounded good. of course she's my mom, but she reads a lot and when i explained some of the plot twists she thought they were solid.

i have decided on an ending too. that's a nice thing to have in mind.

NaNoWriMo: Day 4

Nov 5, 2006
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technically it's day 5 since it's after midnight. i am about 2000 words behind, but am going to babysit my mom tomorrow and hopefully i can catch up. i need to go to the library and get a book to help with research. i totally blabbed to my cousins that i am doing this. they all wanted to know what my novel was going to be about. i didn't tell them, because my mom was sitting there. she's in fragile health and i didn't want to disturb her by saying i was writing a Jack the Ripper novel.

lots of distractions this week. tig coming into town didn't help, and aunt iowa is here now, so i am trying to spend a lot of time with her. i am not too downtrodden about being behind, not yet. i am sure that my cranking out a few solid hours of writing tomorrow will put me back on track.

i am going to try and convince jcsg into coming up to the cabin with me for a weekend of writing. it will be cold as hell, so there won't be much to do except sit inside, drink, and write. dualling laptops if you will.

ok, so i'm off to bed. word count is below.

NaNoWriMo: Day 2

Nov 3, 2006
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ok, so for whatever reason i couldn't post on Vox until just now. and i fucked up my numbers already because while i thought i had hit the goal yeaterday, i was like 1000 words off. so now i am really in a k-hole.

outside life things are totally hectic and i am feeling like i am failing at this novel before i was even able to give a good go. i want to say that i'll make up for it this weekend, but i have to babysit my mom all day on sunday. i am charging the lap top in the hopes that she takes a nap, but i'm not counting on it.

i feel like i've totally fucked this up already and there is no way to salvage. i am just at a loss for finding time.